Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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