Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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