My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
