I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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