i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
