Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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