I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
