So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
