just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
