yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
