I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
