I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
