I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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