the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
