would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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