pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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