You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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