end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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