hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
