i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize