I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
