I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
