grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
