He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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