you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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