She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
