im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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