It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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