Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He is an equal opportunity slut.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
