It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you traded sex for a burrito?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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