3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This girl is more easily done than said...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
