My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
it glows. i had to have it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
