I must be too annoying 4 u.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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