I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
