What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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