having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize