she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
