My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
