I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
