I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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