im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
