i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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