I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
