Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize