I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize