I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she smelled like a LAN party
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
