Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
They have beer where we have blood.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
