it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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