oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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