could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize