Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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