It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
