what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
