I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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