I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
