...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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