Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
