Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
