we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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