sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
