OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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