some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
