I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
