i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize