i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
