im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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