nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize