so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
