I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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