mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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