i was born a porn star she said
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
sex in a hospital.. check
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