Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It was confusing and full of hummus
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
