Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
