I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
