his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
