Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I need moral support for this bender
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
