I will die if light touches me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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