Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
