i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
