I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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