i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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