Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He better not be in your backpack
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
