im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
