We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
