No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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