She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
