I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
