Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
