I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
