so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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