I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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