broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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