her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
