They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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