fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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