do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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