false alarm. still invincible.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
